How to Give Him the Best Sex He’s Ever Had
Megan - Oct 19 2021
Looking for a recipe for the best sex he’s ever had? Well, this isn’t it — because sex is never a one-size-fits-all type of thing.
Everyone has unique preferences. What blew your last partner’s mind may be totally out of your current partner’s depth. And vice-versa! It doesn’t mean that you’re better or worse at sex with different partners, just that your partners are all exactly that: different.
The real secret to giving him the best sex of his life is by figuring out what works for him. Chat about his desires, notice what makes his toes curl, and when in doubt, ask.
And while great sex isn’t an exact science, there are some things you can try out to elevate your game in the bedroom.
1. Make Him Feel Special
Foreplay is so much more than just handjobs and head. As relationship expert, author, and psychotherapist, Esther Perel says, “Foreplay starts at the end of the previous orgasm.”
That’s not to say you need to be trying to turn him on immediately after sex ends — just remember that foreplay begins outside of the bedroom!
Be mindful of what gets him in the mood. Does he love when you cook him dinner? Or when you spend quality time together, and your attention is solely on him? Try tapping into his love language if you know what it is. Whatever you do, make him feel special.
2. Ask About His Fantasies
Is there a fantasy that your partner is dying to check off of his sexual bucket list? Ask him about it! And if it’s within your comfort zone, give it a go.
Your partner may be reluctant to bring it up himself, but chances are he has at least one fantasy on his mind. Offer a safe, judgment-free space to discuss desires openly. Share some of yours too.
Follow up by chatting about which, if any, you’re interested in trying, what potentially interests you, and what’s a no-go.
Asking about fantasies doesn’t mean you’re obligated to do follow through with them. However, if you do, set clear boundaries.
Activities like BDSM, roleplay, or anything out of your usual routine may feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. He also may not enjoy it in practice as much as he thought he would — or he may love it more than he anticipated! Remember that you’re both allowed to withdraw consent at any time.
3. Take It Slow
Fast, rough, and wild sex can be lots of fun, but did you know slower sex can actually be more intense? This is because slower sex gives your brain time to make sense of all the sensations you’re feeling.
Take your time to build up the intensity. Embrace the foreplay, and draw out each touch. There’s so much more to sex than just working towards orgasm — let him enjoy the journey.
Sex also lasts longer when you aren’t rushing it. Plus, slowly building him up can drive him crazy in the best way, making each wave of pleasure that much more intense.
4. Tease Him All Day
Sex is undeniably better when you’re waiting expectantly for it. So don’t be afraid to send your partner dirty text messages or sexy pictures throughout the day.
Give him a taste of what you’re going to do to him when he gets home, and let that anticipation build.
When it’s time to get it on, he’ll have been turned on for hours. Each touch will feel even more electric, and you’ll be well on your way to blowing his mind.
5. Eliminate Distractions
Sometimes it’s difficult to unwind from your day and channel your sexual energy. From fixating on a work issue to worrying that your kids will walk in on you, it’s nearly impossible to relax and fully enjoy sex when your mind is somewhere else. There are a million and one distractions out there — it’s natural.
So, how do you navigate this territory? Eliminate any interruptions that you can!
If you have children, get them to spend the night at a friend’s. If the unfolded laundry on the floor is going to stress him out, put it away. If work is nagging him, initiate a “no phones night” and turn those devices on “do not disturb.”
Of course, it’s impossible to remove all possible distractions, but do your best! Give him the chance to focus on pleasure and only pleasure.
6. Stimulate His Erogenous Zones
If you’re only paying attention to erogenous zones below the belt, you’re doing it all wrong.
Sensual touch is a huge component of great sex, which we’ll get to in more detail later. But there are way more areas to stimulate than you may realize.
Here are some of the 31 different erogenous zones that many people overlook or quickly move past:
- Inner wrist
- Lower stomach
- Small of the back
- Back of the knee
Slow it down and dedicate some time to these often forgotten erogenous zones. Kiss, lick, tickle, nibble, or gently touch these areas to elicit an electric response from your partner’s body. Just because they might not give him an orgasm doesn’t mean they aren’t worth spending time exploring.
7. Change Your Roles
No matter how dominant or submissive he may usually be in bed, why not give him a chance to experience the opposite?
It’s not uncommon for men who work demanding, traditionally “powerful” jobs to desire a more submissive role in the bedroom at times. This power shift gives him a chance to take a break from calling the shots and just listen instead.
Plus, it can be incredibly sexy to watch your partner relinquish control or to move into a more submissive role yourself.
Depending on your relationship structure, your partner may feel like he regularly has to take on one persona or the other, even if he’s not always into it. So give him a chance to switch it up a bit if that’s something he’s interested in doing.
When it comes to dominance, submission, and, well, everything else in the bedroom, it’s always crucial to ensure that your partner is comfortable with a situation before they find themselves experiencing it. Regularly check in with each other, set boundaries, and choose a safe word.
8. Let Him Know You’re Enjoying Yourself
There’s nothing sexier than knowing your partner is having a good time. If he knows he’s making you feel as good as you’re making him feel, it’ll be a massive boost to his confidence.
Letting out a moan or reassuring him that what he’s doing is pleasurable can help him get out of his head. But, at the same time, let him know if he’s doing something that isn’t feeling good.
It’s always so much better to be honest than it is to fake it. And if you’re not a very good actor, he can likely see through it, which will probably make him even more insecure. So just be honest!
Guide his head, direct his hands, and tell him when he’s hitting the right spot. As a result, he may be more present in the moment and able to relax, knowing he satisfies your desires.
9. Find the Right Location
Let’s be honest: sex can quickly feel like a routine if you’re always in the same positions in the same environment.
This isn’t necessarily bad — routine can be good! But if you’re aiming to give him the best sex of his life, you might want to break from the same old, same old.
It can be as simple as moving from the bedroom to the living room, or maybe the dining room table if you’re feeling it. Really wanting to mix it up? Discreetly use a toy in public or plan a hotel staycation.
10. Enhance His Senses
All of our senses help get us in the mood for sex — not just touch.
Taste, sight, sound, and smell are all equally important in crafting that perfect multisensory experience.
- Taste. You’ve probably heard the word “aphrodisiac” before. They’re foods known to get you in the mood and include oysters, dark chocolate, and many fruits. Share a libido-boosting snack beforehand, or bring dessert into the bedroom. Bonus points if you feed it to him.
- Sight. Unsurprisingly, sight plays a significant role in stimulation. That’s why riding positions or watching someone go down on you is so arousing. Enhance that sensuality by having sex in front of a mirror, doing a striptease for him, or watching porn together.
- Sound. Moans may be the first thing on your mind when it comes to sex and sound, but what else? Turn him on by whispering in his hear, saying his name, and talking dirty. Insecure about your dirty talk? It’s easier than it may seem. Tell your partner what you want to do to them, and let them know when they’re making you feel good.
- Smell. The right scents can make you nearly irresistible to your partner. Aromas like vanilla, sandalwood, and ylang ylang can help you crank up the heat. Light a scented candle, choose a musky massage oil, or apply some intoxicating perfume. Give pheromone oils a chance if you want to drive him wild.
- Touch. There’s an obvious link between touch and sex. However, you can stimulate this sense in ways that don’t involve feeling each other up. Play around with sensual textures: from velvety lingerie to fresh silk bedsheets. Tap into the unexpected too. Bring tickly feathers, body-safe candle wax, or impact toys to play around with.
But what’s the best way to enhance his senses? By taking others away. If he gives you the okay, blindfold him, give him earplugs, or restrain his hands, and watch his other senses take over.
11. Choose the Right Time
When you’re considering ways to eliminate distractions in the bedroom, don’t forget about one of the most critical factors: time.
Time is a natural stressor. It’s difficult to thoroughly enjoy any moment when you’re on a time crunch or thinking about everything you have to do afterward. Think of it this way: you probably won’t want to initiate or plan sex when your parents are stopping by for Sunday dinner in an hour, and you haven’t even started cooking yet.
Similarly, consider what time of day makes the most sense for both of you. Is he always exhausted when he gets home from work? Do it in the AM! Are you constantly running late in the mornings because you love to sleep in together? Aim for the evening.
And don’t be afraid to schedule sex. It doesn’t take anything away from the experience and may be easier to plan around. Plus, spontaneous desire isn’t always realistic. Scheduling sex gives him something to get excited about.
12. Wear Something You Love
People are always sexiest when they’re feeling confident. So put on an outfit that makes you feel great about yourself — it doesn’t have to be revealing!
If you feel like your best self when you’re wearing your favorite black turtleneck, put it on. Does wearing strappy lingerie make you feel irresistible? Buy a new set! Or maybe that cocktail dress you just bought works wonders for your self-esteem.
Whatever it is, if it gives you a confidence boost, it’s going to make you effortlessly sexy. Keep it as modest or R-rated as you’d like!
13. Try Prostate Play
If your man is game, trying prostate play could completely change sex for you both.
P-spot orgasms can be more intense and sometimes felt throughout the entire body. They’re totally unique!
If he isn’t too keen on penetrative anal play, that’s okay! You can still engage his prostate in other ways. Play around with the perineum or taint, the area between his scrotum and anus. Touching this area indirectly stimulates his prostate — an excellent move for beginners.
If penetration’s on the table, you can start by massaging his prostate with your finger, then work up to something larger like a buttplug or dildo. Then, take it one step further by choosing a vibrating toy or placing the dildo in a wearable harness and pegging him.
Always remember, lube is your friend!
14. Bring Toys
Toys are one of the most exciting ways to add some extra heat to the bedroom — and they’re filled with possibilities.
From penis rings to strap-ons to pumps, toys can change your entire sexual experience. Use them on him or put on a show. Masturbating in front of your partner can be incredibly hot by itself, but adding a toy to the mix can take it to another level. Talk about visual stimulation!
It isn’t just about the genitals either, though. Play around with nipple clamps, restraints, or mouth gags, too (with your partner’s consent, of course).
15. Do Something New
Novelty is your friend when it comes to sex. There’s a reason why one of Barney Stinson’s rules is “New is always better.”
While that might not be true 100% of the time, there is something to be said about it.
Novelty equals excitement. It’s the best way to break out of a mediocre, predictable routine. If you feel like you and your partner are in a sexual rut, it’s probably time to switch it up.
Whether you’re trying out a fun new position, introducing another partner to the bedroom, or getting it on in a different location, novelty is an incredible thrill.
16. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate!
The secret to great sex isn’t much of a secret at all: communicate!
You and your partner aren’t mind-readers, so how else are you supposed to know what each other wants? The best way to blow his mind is to ask him what he wants and then do it if it’s something you’re comfortable with.
Does he have a fantasy he’s dying to try out? Is there something you usually do that he’s not too keen on? Is there a spot you can kiss that makes him fall to his knees? You’ll never know if you don’t talk to him about it.
Communicating while having sex also increases the chances that he’ll feel comfortable letting you know when something doesn’t feel good or when he doesn’t want to do something. And nobody wants to have unsatisfying or uncomfortable sex.
Create that safe space for you to have honest dialogue before, during, and after you leave the bedroom.
Sex is so much more than the means to an end (orgasm). Slow it down, help your partner stay present, and make him feel special.
The most important part of giving your partner the best sex he’s ever had is knowing that his preferences are unique.
Take the time to learn what your partner enjoys and chat about fantasies, comfort zones, and boundaries. When in doubt, communicate, communicate, communicate!