I grew up in a small place in china, a rather remote and conservative town in the middle of nowhere. Despite not being religious, the culture there is relatively closed and reserved as how the stereotype goes for small towns. My parents themselves are not very open and expressive of feelings and love. I grew up being extremely anti-social, and of course, relationship education was never part of the family's conversation as if it was something unspeakably obscene.

As a result, growing up, I had to rely on myself to fumble it through, and I was a late bloomer in sexuality discovery. The first time I started dating, I was already 23, which was rather late for our generation. Though I did not feel the pressure to lose my virginity, I have no intention to wait for marriage either. All I always wanted was for it to happen on its own course as we all have our own pace and should never rush. It is perfectly okay to wait for the right person and the right moment to have sex. Looking back, is there something I regretted and felt missing? I would say no. However, there are a few things that I wish I had known in my 20s regarding female sexuality.

Don't worry if you are not having an orgasm yet

Believe it or not, I only learned how to have an orgasm with masturbation until I was 26, 3 years since I had sexual life, and the first time I came with a man was only two years ago. I used to be extremely anxious about that and thought perhaps something was wrong with me. I remembered being worried. There were times I would binge on documentaries and educational materials, trying to find the answer for myself. Modern life puts people under all types of peer pressures and disastrously turns everything into a fierce competition. Not only are we comparing ourselves with the peers that are physically around us, but we are also inevitably suffering from the pressure from the virtual peers from social media. We can be supportive and encouraging when we are best friends of someone else yet totally demanding and harsh towards ourselves. The truth is that there is no normality about orgasm age, and all you can do is to listen to your own body. It is entirely normal if you are yet to experience your first orgasm with a guy yet if you are a young girl in your 20s. Studies show that many women can't orgasm with a man through just penetration, and women's sexuality peaks when they are around 36.

Practice makes perfect

In the past few years, while living abroad, I had some short relationships. I have had partners that had utterly different sexual preferences. One of the exciting changes that I learned is that sex is just like anything else, and the more you practice, the better you will get. Another thing I started to notice is that my sexual preference changes. One of the surprising changes in myself was that I began to enjoy being more dominant, which I never thought I would like. Therefore, be patient with yourself and get to know what you want and what pleases you sexually.

Learn more about your orgasm

Education is the key. In the past, I made reading an integrated part of my life, and it is enriching. The best way to get rid of social shame is to educate yourself and surround yourself with like-minded people. Thanks to the internet, there are many free materials accessible in a click away, and all you need to do is search for it. Many extraordinary educational documentaries, books, and blogs will empower you and help you gain more knowledge about female sexuality. Over the years, I also become more comfortable sharing and talking with my close friends about sexuality or any problem. I prefer not to watch porn because it imposes a very misleading image of sex. However, if you think it is helpful for you, why not?

Be adventurous with sex toys

Find sex toys intimidating? You are not alone. I used to have an unfair opinion about it, but I changed my mind. Studies have shown that sex toys can be an excellent tool to enhance our love life and explore more about ourselves as multi-orgasms are more achievable with sex toys. The sex toy industry is slowly shedding off its taboo image and getting more spotlight in different societies. Sex toy markets are thriving; Products from cock rings to dildos, vibrators, to even sex dolls are widely available everywhere to boost your sexual experience. You can't deny that sex toys have become more welcomed in daily life. Despite the pandemic making thousands of businesses bankrupt, it witnessed a whopping spike in toys worldwide. Unsurprisingly, most of the buyers are female buyers.

Spend some time alone is more than healthy

I moved to a new country when I was 24 and started my new life there, and it has been for six years now. It was not easy, and I had many lonely nights when I felt extremely vulnerable. Despite everything, the experiences of living abroad taught me many invaluable lessons that shaped my personality permanently. One of the critical things that I realized is that the most crucial relationship in this life is with myself, and I must learn to enjoy being with myself. What does it have to do with sexuality? You may wonder. Well, the secret lies in that self-love and self-growth you gain through your inner work will make you more confident in yourself, thus also in your sexual expression.

A month ago, I celebrated my 31st birthday. Most women, at this point, undertake tremendous stress from various challenging roles they play in life. I had those too; however, I stop being obsessed with it and its implications over the years, and I realize that age is just some number that society programmed us, and we all need to walk our path to grow and shine.