Ever found yourself browsing couples sex toys online, then closing the tab because you can't imagine actually bringing it up? That fear of the conversation going wrong stops so many people from exploring something that could add excitement to their relationship.
But here's what most people don't realize: the conversation itself matters more than the actual toy. When you know how to talk about sex toys for couples in a way that feels safe and exciting for both of you, the whole experience becomes something you can look forward to together!
Why Does Trust Matter Before Talking About Sex Toys?
Before you even think about bringing up sex toys for couples, take a moment to consider where your relationship stands emotionally. Trust isn't just nice to have—it's absolutely essential when you're about to talk about something intimate and potentially vulnerable. When both partners feel secure in the relationship, conversations about trying new things become opportunities for connection instead of sources of anxiety.
Your Past Conversations Show What's Possible
Think about how you and your partner usually handle sensitive topics. If you've successfully talked through other vulnerable subjects—like fears, insecurities, or changes you wanted to make—that's a great sign. Those past wins build confidence that this conversation can go well, too.
You're Adding Something, Not Fixing Something
When trust is strong, it's clear that wanting to try something new doesn't mean anything is broken. Your partner won't immediately jump to "Am I not enough?" because they already know they are.
Safe Spaces Don't Happen by Accident
Creating a judgment-free zone takes time and consistent effort. When you've built that foundation where both of you can share without fear of criticism, talking about intimate desires becomes natural rather than terrifying.
How to Actually Start This Conversation
Starting the conversation about sex toys for couples doesn't require a perfect script, but it does need some thought. The key is framing this as something you want to experience together, not as a hint that something's missing. Use "I" statements like "I've been curious about trying..." instead of "You should..." or "We need to..." This keeps the conversation collaborative rather than demanding. You can even ease into it by sharing an article or video you came across, making it feel less like a big announcement and more like a natural topic that came up.
Pick Your Moment Carefully
The setting and timing can make or break this conversation. You want both of you to feel comfortable and open, not rushed or caught off guard. Here's when and where to have this talk:
Good times to talk:
- A relaxed evening at home when neither of you has work stress
- During a casual walk or drive where you're side-by-side (less intense than face-to-face)
- Over coffee or a meal when you're both in good moods
- After a positive conversation about your relationship
Times to avoid:
- Right before or during intimate moments (feels like pressure)
- When either of you is tired, stressed, or upset
- During or after an argument
- When you're rushing to get somewhere or have limited time
Make It About "Us," Not "Me"
The way you phrase things matters enormously. Your partner should feel like this is an adventure you want to take together, not something you're demanding. Here's how to keep the conversation collaborative:
Say things like:
- "I've been thinking about what might make our intimate time even more fun for both of us."
- "What fantasies have you been curious about that we haven't tried yet?"
- "I saw something interesting and wondered if it's something we might enjoy together."
- "Is there anything new you'd like to experience with me?"
Avoid phrases like:
- "I need more excitement" (sounds like they're boring)
- "You should be more open-minded" (sounds judgmental)
- "Everyone else is doing this" (creates pressure)
- "I want to use this on you" (makes it one-sided)
When you frame adult toys for couples as enhancing what's already good rather than fixing what's broken, your partner feels valued instead of inadequate.
What to Look for When Choosing Together
Once you've decided to try something, pick it out together. When you both research and choose, nobody feels pressured. Look at websites together, read reviews, and talk about what sounds good versus what seems like too much.
Start Simple
Don't go for complicated options first. Pick something easy to use and less intimidating. Small vibrators work well as a starting point—they're simple and add stimulation without being overwhelming. Get comfortable with basic toys before trying anything more advanced.
Match What You Want
Think about what you're hoping to get from this. Want extra clitoral stimulation during sex? Get a toy made for that. Interested in one partner controlling the sensations? Remote-controlled toys do exactly that.
If you're not sure where to start, consider versatile options like the LOVE Remote Couple Interactive Kit that includes multiple attachments—an external stimulator, dual cock ring, finger vibrator, and couple's vibrator with a detachable bullet you can use with any piece. This lets you experiment with different types of stimulation without buying separate toys. The best sex toys for couples are whatever fits what you both actually want to try.
Buy Quality Products
Price matters, but don't buy cheap toys. Get medical-grade silicone—it's safe for your body and easy to clean. Waterproof is better because it's easier to wash and more versatile. Look for multiple speed settings so you can adjust based on what feels good. Spending more upfront means safer materials and something that won't break after a few uses.
What If Your Partner Feels Insecure About This?
It's completely normal for one or both of you to feel worried when bringing up sex toys for couples. The most common fear? "Does this mean I'm not enough?" This concern comes up all the time, but it's based on a misunderstanding. Toys aren't replacements for your partner—they're additions to what you already share. A vibrator can't hold you, can't kiss you, and can't provide the emotional connection that makes sex meaningful. It's just a tool that adds a different type of sensation.
Validate Feelings First, Then Reassure
If your partner expresses worry or hesitation, don't dismiss it. Say something like "I understand why you'd feel that way" before explaining your perspective. Reassure them that you're satisfied with your sex life and just curious about adding something new together. Make it clear this is about exploring as a couple, not fixing a problem.
Respect Boundaries and Go Slow
If your partner says "not right now," respect that completely. Pushing will only create more anxiety. You can revisit the conversation later, but forcing the issue damages trust. When you do try something together, check in frequently: "How does this feel?" "Is this okay?" Building confidence takes time, and some people need multiple experiences before they feel fully comfortable.
Can Sex Toys Help When You're Apart?
Yes, and they can actually make a real difference when you're missing a physical connection. App-controlled couples sex toys let one partner control the other's toy from anywhere in the world through their phone. It's not the same as being together in person, but it gives you a way to be intimate when miles separate you.
How Remote Toys Actually Work
One partner wears or uses the toy while the other controls the vibration patterns through an app or remote. You can do this during video calls or surprise your partner with sensations throughout their day.
Kits like the Maxikit Couple Vibrator Kit offer wireless control with multiple vibration modes and intensity levels that let you switch between gentle teasing and intense stimulation. These remote vibrators typically feature 6+ vibration modes and adjustable intensities that one partner controls while the other feels every change in real time. This works especially well during video dates when you want to add a physical element to your virtual connection.
Make Time for Virtual Intimacy
Schedule specific times to connect, especially across time zones. Treat these moments like real dates—create the right mood, communicate what feels good, and focus on each other. Combine the physical sensations with emotional connection through video calls or voice messages. These experiences help you feel close until you can actually be together again.
How Do You Keep Communication Going After the First Time?
The conversation doesn't stop once you've tried adult toys for couples together. In fact, what you say during and after is just as important as the initial discussion. Real-time feedback helps you both figure out what actually feels good versus what sounded good in theory.
Talk While You're Using It
Don't stay silent during the experience. Ask simple questions: "Does this feel good?" "Should I increase the intensity?" "Want to try it on a different spot?" Your partner can't read your mind, and you can't read theirs. Quick check-ins make sure you're both enjoying what's happening and allow for immediate adjustments.
Debrief Afterward Without Judgment
After you're done, talk about what worked and what didn't. Keep it positive and constructive: "I really liked when you..." or "Maybe next time we could try..." Avoid criticism like "That didn't do anything for me." If something wasn't great, frame it as wanting to experiment with different approaches. Be willing to drop toys that don't work for you both and try something else instead. The goal is to keep exploring together, not to force something that isn't clicking.
Take the First Step With Sex Toys for Couples
Here's the truth: the longer you wait to have this conversation, the bigger it becomes in your head. Introducing couples sex toys is way less scary when you actually do it than when you're just thinking about it. Choose a moment when you're both relaxed, bring it up honestly, and see where the conversation goes. You might be surprised how open your partner is to the idea. And even if they need time, you've started a dialogue that can make your intimacy better overall.