Talking about sex toys for couples can feel a little awkward, right? It’s totally normal to feel that way at first. But honestly, bringing it up with your partner doesn’t have to be a big deal! Once you get the conversation going, it can actually bring you two closer and add some fun to your relationship.
7 Steps to Bring Up Sex Toys with Your Partner
Talking about sex toys doesn't have to feel awkward or scripted—here's how to bring it up in a way that feels natural and keeps things comfortable for both of you.
Step 1: Choose the Right Time and Place
Before jumping into the conversation, think about when and where to bring it up. Timing really matters!
- Pick a calm, private moment when you both feel relaxed and not distracted.
- Avoid stressful times, like when you're rushing or dealing with a tough situation. You want both of you to feel comfortable and ready to talk.
Step 2: Start with Emotional Openness
It’s important to approach the conversation with warmth and trust. Being open about your feelings can set a positive tone.
- Express why you want to talk — focus on connection and growing together. Say something like, “I’ve been curious about exploring something new together,” instead of jumping straight to the sex part.
- Use “I” statements like, “I think this could be fun for us,” to avoid making your partner feel pressured or uncomfortable.
Step 3: Frame It as Exploration, Not Pressure
The idea is to make it clear that this is about exploration, not a demand. You want it to be something exciting to try together!
- Don’t push or demand — frame the conversation as something fun you can discover together.
- Be open to learning together — suggest browsing ideas or researching couples sex toys together to make it a shared experience, not just your idea.
Step 4: Respect Your Partner’s Boundaries
Your partner might feel hesitant, and that’s completely okay. The key is to create an environment where they feel comfortable saying “no” if they’re not ready.
- Be prepared for a “no” or some hesitation. Don’t take it personally — your partner might need time to process the idea.
- Let them know it’s okay to talk later — their comfort comes first, and it’s important that they feel they can bring it up again if they want to.
Step 5: Focus on the Benefits, Not Just the Toys
Make the conversation about more than just the sex toys. Emphasize the connection and fun you’ll have as a couple.
- Highlight how sex toys can improve intimacy and trust — talk about how this could deepen your bond, enhance communication, and allow you to explore new things together.
- Keep it fun! Focus on how sex toys are about bringing more playfulness and enjoyment into your relationship, not just the act itself.
Step 6: Be Honest About Your Expectations
Honesty is key. Be clear about what you’re hoping for, but also invite your partner to share their thoughts and expectations.
- Share your intentions — whether you’re curious, want to spice things up, or just explore together, be open about what you’re hoping to get from the experience.
- Keep the conversation two-way — ask questions like, “How do you feel about trying something new?” or “What are your thoughts on adding sex toys into our routine?”
Step 7: Take It Slow and Check In
After the conversation, don’t rush into anything. It’s important to move at a pace that’s comfortable for both of you.
- Start with something simple if your partner agrees, and take time to adjust to the idea. There’s no need to go straight to anything complex — a little step can go a long way.
- Check in afterward — ask how they felt about it, what worked or didn’t, and whether they want to revisit the conversation later. Keep the dialogue open and adjust as needed.
There's no rush, no pressure—just two people figuring out what feels good and having fun along the way!
Feeling Nervous? 4 Common Concerns About Sex Toys And What to Do
Look, it's totally normal to have some worries before bringing this up. Here's how to handle the most common ones so you can stop overthinking and just go for it!
1. "It feels too awkward to even bring up."
Guess what? Almost every couple feels awkward at first—you're not alone! The key is leaning into that awkwardness instead of avoiding it. Start with something like, "This feels a little weird to say, but I've been curious about..." Naming the awkwardness actually makes it less awkward. Plus, approaching it with genuine curiosity (not demand) helps both of you relax into the conversation.
2. "What if my partner judges me or thinks I'm weird?"
If you're in a healthy relationship, your partner cares about your happiness and wants to understand what excites you. Frame it around connection and trust—say something like, "I want us to feel even closer" or "I think this could be really fun for us." And hey, if they're not ready? That's totally okay. You can always revisit the conversation later when they've had time to think about it. No pressure, no judgment.
3. "Will this change our dynamic or make things weird between us?"
Only if you let it! The whole point is that this is something you're exploring together—not something that replaces what you already have. Make it clear that sex toys are just an add-on, not a substitute for intimacy. Keep communicating, check in with each other, and make decisions as a team. That way, it strengthens your connection instead of complicating it.
4. "What if we try it and we don't like it?"
Then you don't like it—and that's completely fine! The goal isn't to find the "perfect" sex toy or have some mind-blowing experience right away. The goal is honest communication and being willing to explore together. If it doesn't work out, you'll have learned something about yourselves, and you can laugh about it later. No harm, no pressure, just two people figuring things out!
Most concerns disappear the moment you actually start talking. Don't let "what ifs" stop you from having a conversation that could bring you closer!
Ready to Shop? Here's How to Choose Your First Sex Toy
So you've had the conversation and you're both interested—now what? Start simple. Look for beginner-friendly toys with adjustable settings so neither of you feels overwhelmed.
1. Go for Toys That Do More Than One Thing
If you're just starting out, don't overthink it—go for toys with multiple settings so you can experiment without committing to just one type of sensation. This way, if something doesn't click right away, you've got plenty of other options to try in the same session.
Why multi-function sex toys work for couples:
- No guessing games — Multiple settings mean you can try different sensations in one session without buying several sex toys
- Explore at your own speed — Start gentle and gradually increase intensity as you both get comfortable
- Less pressure to "get it right" — If one mode doesn't work, simply switch to another without awkwardness
Top Beginner-Friendly Picks:
- Portable Rose Clit Sucker: The Rosie Portable Rose Clit Sucker looks like an innocent rose, but packs 7 sucking modes that actually work. If either of you feels weird about "obvious" sex toys, this one's discreet and approachable—you could literally leave it on your nightstand. Compact, gentle for first-timers, and a natural conversation starter.
- Clitoral Sucking Vibrator: The OG 3 Clitoral Sucking Vibrator transforms—unfold it for clitoral-only play, or bend it into rabbit mode for dual action. The BendTo Fix Technology locks it into whatever angle you want, so you're not wrestling with it mid-session. Basically two sex toys in one, perfect when you're still figuring out what works.
- Wearable Swing Vibrator: With the Swirlii Wearable Swing Vibrator, one partner wears it (discreetly tucked in underwear), the other controls it from up to 10 meters away. The 360° rotating head creates wild sensations, and handing over that remote? Instant playful tension. Wear it during dinner or a walk for some seriously fun anticipation.
Play around, see what makes you both react, and don't stress if your first pick isn't "the one"—that's what adjustable settings are for!
2. Try Remote Control Sex Toys for Way More Fun Together
Want to know what makes things way more fun? Handing the remote to your partner. Seriously—remote-controlled sex toys mean no more awkward button-fumbling mid-session, and honestly, there's something ridiculously hot about giving someone else total control over what you're feeling.
Why remote control matters for couples:
- Zero awkward interruptions — Nobody's breaking the mood to squint at tiny buttons or figure out which mode they were just on.
- One of you feels everything, the other controls everything — It's like having a direct line to each other's reactions, which makes the whole experience way more connected.
- Everyday moments become instant foreplay — Imagine slipping your partner the remote at dinner or during a movie. The anticipation? Unreal.
- It's vulnerability that actually feels good — Letting someone else take control (or being the one in charge) creates this trust that honestly brings you closer.
- The distance factor is sneaky hot — They can tease you from across the room with that 10+ meter range, and you never know exactly when it's coming.
Top Remote-Controlled Picks:
- The OG 2 Clitoral Sucking Vibrator packs 10 vibration modes and 10 suction modes—all controllable from up to 10 meters away. That upgraded suction is no joke, and when your partner's got the remote during foreplay? Game over. Perfect if you're curious about playing with control and keeping each other guessing.
- The Juicy Clitoral Licking Vibrator gives you 7 tongue-licking modes plus 10 G-spot vibrations, all remote controlled. That realistic licking paired with hands-free control means one of you just gets to feel while the other runs the show. Seriously great for building anticipation and seeing how your partner reacts in real time.
Hand over the remote and see what happens—you might find out that someone else calling the shots is way hotter than you expected!
3. Make Sure You Can Adjust the Intensity
Every person's sensitivity and preferences differ, so sex toys with adjustable settings prevent the "too much too soon" problem. Multiple modes let you start gentle and build intensity as comfort grows—essential for partners with different experience levels.
What to look for:
- At least 7-10 different patterns (varying speeds, pulsations, rhythms)
- Separate controls for different stimulation zones (like vibration vs. suction)
- Progressive intensity levels rather than just "low/medium/high"
- "Back" button functionality to quickly return to favorite settings (like OG 3 offers)
Why this matters for couples:
- One partner may prefer gentle, teasing sensations while the other craves intensity
- Allows gradual exploration without overwhelming a hesitant partner
- You can switch modes mid-session as comfort and arousal build
- Prevents the sex toy from becoming "too much" or "not enough"
4. Stick with Body-Safe Materials
Medical-grade silicone sex toys that are waterproof—they're hypoallergenic, easy to clean, and feel luxuriously soft.
Essential features for couple-friendly sex toys:
- Medical-grade, body-safe silicone (hypoallergenic and odorless)
- IPX6-IPX7 waterproof rating (shower-safe and easy to rinse clean)
- Magnetic or USB charging (no awkward battery replacements)
- 60+ minute battery life (long enough for extended sessions without interruption)
- Whisper-quiet motors (especially important for privacy/discretion)
Choose sex toys labeled "easy to clean" and waterproof so post-intimacy cleanup becomes effortless rather than awkward. All Tracy's Dog products use body-safe silicone and can be rinsed with warm water and mild soap—no complicated maintenance required.
5. Feeling Adventurous? Try AI-Powered SexToys
Okay, hear me out—AI-powered vibrators sound wild, but they're actually pretty incredible if you're into tech or just want something that feels genuinely next-level. These sex toys literally learn what you like over time and can sync with apps, voice commands, even video content. It's like having a sex toy that gets better at its job the more you use it together.
Why AI sex toys are worth considering:
- It actually remembers what you like — The sex toy tracks your favorite rhythms, intensity levels, and patterns so you're not starting from scratch every time.
- It gets smarter as you go — Over time, it picks up on how you respond and adjusts automatically, which is kind of mind-blowing when you think about it.
- Way more interactive than regular sex toys — Some sync with apps for long-distance play or even respond to voice commands, making the whole experience feel futuristic in the best way.
- The novelty factor is real — If one of you has been hesitant about sex toys, the "wait, it does what?" factor can actually make you both more curious and open to trying it.
Top AI-Enhanced Picks:
- AI Thrusting Vibrator: The DRILLME AI Thrusting Vibrator is next-level for tech-curious couples. It syncs with the Aiphy app to create an actual AI companion that responds to your voice, remembers what gets you going, and can even match vibrations to video content. The Evorumble™ 3.0 tech delivers 360° motion with 10 vibration modes and 3 bounce rhythms—it's like nothing else out there.
- AI Rabbit Vibrator: The BETA AI Rabbit Vibrator takes the classic rabbit design and makes it smart. Its AirFlow™ Suction (3 intensities) and come-hither motion (10 modes) literally adapt to how you use it, learning what makes you react most. Perfect if you want a sex toy that actually gets better at pleasing you the more you play together.
Not everyone needs AI in their bedroom (totally valid!), but if you're into gadgets or want something that genuinely feels innovative? This is where things get really interesting.
Ready to Talk About Sex Toys? Let's Make It Happen
Look, bringing up couples sex toys is way less scary than you think—just be genuine, stay curious, and don't put pressure on either of you. Start the conversation, see where it goes, and remember that exploring together is what makes it fun.
Whether you're checking out the best sex toys for couples online or shopping together, the key is making it a shared experience. Pick something that sounds interesting and see where the adventure takes you!