When I was young and a little naive, I used to possess a different mindset around sex and relationships. I wouldn't say I was a prude but my head was filled to the brim with so many sex myths and taboos. Some came from my family, who were all devout Christians (guess who's the black sheep?), but some of the most atrocious myths I've ever heard came from friends I've known during my early adulthood back when I was beginning to be more sexually active.
One of them revolves around lubricant.
Back then, lubricant wasn't seen as something really essential at all in sex and relationships. Condoms were perfectly necessary. Oral contraceptives, hell yeah! Sex toys? For the occasional fun and self-love, why not? But lubricants, now that's a different ball game altogether when I was younger.
My misconception of lubricants started when I was in college. My best friend at that time, let's call her Lulu, was adamant that needing lubricant was a sign that we weren't fulfilled by our partner. That we were somehow "not wet enough" and therefore, buying lubricant was seen as something embarrassing.
Like the wide-eyed teenage girl that I was, I blindly believed her. Never once did I bother to buy lubricant even though I was sexually active at that time with Chase, my first partner. I didn't even bring up the subject. It just wasn't part of our discussion.
It took me several years of ignorance until I grew up a little more and got closer to my sister when she moved back to our neighborhood. Going shopping together one day, I spied a tube of lube tossed nonchalantly into her cart.
She caught me peeping and asked what was on my mind. Curiosity got the better of me, so I asked, "Do you use it all the time?"
My sister giggled. "9 out of 10 times, yes I do!" She could see I didn't believe her, and set to enlighten me with facts revolving around lubricant usage and how it could possibly turn my world upside down.
Lubricant: the wetter, the better!
Like me, I guess many women have completely misunderstood just how important lubricant can be when it comes to enhancing sex and intimacy. Sex isn't about pleasing our partners all the time; It's about our pleasure and wellness too. This was the epiphany I had. I realized now that lubricant has been associated with vaginal dryness and that women who use lubricants are not adequate or "wet enough."
Banish all thoughts of inadequacy instantly! Lubricants cause reduced friction, smoother skin and more pleasurable lovemaking, either with a partner or on your own with your desired sex toys. So why would you deny yourself of delights brought on by a humble tube of lube?
The best way to go about using lubricant is to first know that it helps encourage a smoother and more enjoyable sex life. Not all women are built the same, so a good lubricant brand can make a whole world of difference.
Protip: did you know that getting properly lubed up before sex can decrease the risk of a condom breaking? After all, this makes complete sense: less friction, fewer instances of it tearing, and causing an unwanted accident.
How to choose the right lubricant
Walk into a drug store these days and you'll be inundated with more lubricant types than you can shake a stick at. It's easy to be overwhelmed (just like how I always am when I'm in the midst of a Sephora sale), but the key to choosing the right one starts with knowing the different types of lubricants made available in the market.
- Water-based lubes:Versatile and completely safe when used with sex toys and both latex as well as non-latex condoms. If possible, you'll want to choose a lubricant that won't stain your sheets and would wash off easily when rinsed with water.
- Silicone-based lubes: Considered an "upgrade" over the usual water-based variety, silicone-based lubricants are known to make sex exceptionally silky smooth. Made out of hypoallergenic material, most people would not experience allergic reactions. They last longer than conventional lubes. Be mindful though, when using it with silicone sex toys. The silicone within the lubricant might deteriorate the toys' surface, causing it to erode and increase the risk of abrasions. Protip: use it during shower sex, and you'll be amazed at how wet you'll be despite the torrential shower.
- Oil-based lubes: A big NO-NO when it comes to pairing this with latex condoms. Not only will it cause the condom to break, but it may also leave you open to more infections and vaginal bacteriosis.
- Natural lubes: If an eco-friendly version of a lubricant is what you seek, this is it. Natural lubes are free from parabens.
Brief guide to using lubricants for the first time
The different methods to using lubricants aren't set in stone - you can definitely explore and see what works the best to boost your sex life.
Tip 1: Use it on your partner when giving an erotic massage - the perfect foreplay ever!
Tip 2: Use it with your sex toys for endless enjoyment, be it solo or with a partner
Tip 3: Married couples: Spice up your love life with the occasional shower sex. For this purpose, silicone-based is THE bomb!
Tip 4: Incorporate into hand jobs, blow jobs and cunnilingus - you'll see a remarkable difference over having to spit or produce more lubricant with our saliva
Tip 5: Using it inside AND outside the condom can create a pleasurable experience
Tip 6: Create your own flavored lubes made from all-natural ingredients. Who knows, you may even be able to sell them on the side.